| As much as I love my blog, I feel like it is time to give it up; or put it on hold. I look back at some of the entries, the ones in the beginning; the ones I have printed and love what I see. I look at the ones now and I want to be sick. I was happy and positive then and now I have nothing but confusion and pain. I think a lot has to do with the changes of the ones I loved and I have to admit, the weather. I am convinced I have seasonal depression. I thought I was the only one that suffers from it in my small circle of friends, but I am seeing it more and more with many. It plays such a huge part on my emotions, the sun. I notice a big change in myself and my energy level when I wake to the sun rays shining through my window onto my face. I get up happy and ready to conquer anything! Now with it being so cold I have to literally push myself and I feel as if the world is ending. I have nothing to look forward too, no dreams to accomplish, no parks to walk through, no adventures planned, the magic is gone. I feel as if I lost everyone that really mattered to me, accept for for those few that I know love me unconditionally. The thing that hurts is that I don't understand why. If I knew I think with closer I could go on, but I am one of those people who need to know no matter how bad it hurts. The one thing I am truly grateful for is that I am going to Florida for 9 days and with my best friend beside me and the sun on my back I will be happy, if only for those days. I need to learn and quick that I am number one and to think of myself, rather then worry and wonder about those who can't comprehend what they have in me. I have to learn to be grateful for the ones I do have and know that in time the ones who have turned their back will soon realize how truly stupid they were. You don't find many people like me anymore! My biggest problem is I can't stop caring, I have tried so hard and I am not successful as of yet. Give me an island with my mom, kids, cases of great wine, crusty bread and fine cheese. Some yogurt and bottled water, a small boat for those few chosen friends to come visit, a stereo and lots of Cd's and corky to make me laugh and I am set! No phones or TV allowed.... Love, Daisy |