"What is wrong with me and does anyone have a name for it besides getting old?" Let's start with what I look like and then I can tell you what is happening to me. Height: 5'4" Weight: 130, could be less. Hair: Long, down past bra strap; brown hair; great cut. Had high lights and low lights, until people started copying me and I can't stand that. Waiting till I see or feel something unique again. Build: Good shape (For having two kids. lol) I am not chubby, no cellulite, that I can see myself in a mirror :O) I don't have a six pack, yet; but I do have a gym membership I just need to get there! I have always disliked my legs, but I guess they are ok; a little bruised from Karate and playing with my son (wrestling). Great feet (So many, many people say!) Nice hard ass, again people (friends) and others in my past have said. Natural nails, medium length (all one length (knock on wood) Hands are ok, I work so hard and play extra hard with my son doing boy stuff and I garden and do yard work without gloves because I love the feel of the soil; I know it sounds weird, but the glove thing is just not for me! Unless of course I am racking leaves and pick up a decomposing squerl, which has happened then I break out with my hot pink gardening gloves. lmao I have a great, strong back, although through x-rays it is not so strong! Now here is the down fall. I HAVE VERY SMALL BREASTS! They are cute, and fit my body; but I hate them! A real dilemma I have been struggling with lately, not to mention all my life! Just not sure at my age that it is worth changing, although I have been thinking about it seriously for months now. There are two things stopping me: One I have my daughter who is 19 and what example would I be setting for her. And two, it is a chance that I am not sure I want to take because I have two beautiful children to live for and let's face it anything can happen; it is major surgery! Eyes: Hazel, long lashes. Features: small, nice ears. some freckles (The Irish in me) Went on a cruise and the art director described my face as a beautiful sculpture, and believe me he wasn't trying to pick me up! Everyone says I have a great smile, not sure why! All my life I have gotten that; I personally hate it! Personality: I have to say I have the most amazing personality! People love me no matter what age! I have friends back home that still tell me after me moving away 9 years ago that the only time they truly have fun is when I come home for a visit. I love to make people smile and I like to have fun! I can be serious, but most of the time I am silly; I do it mostly for my little guy and my mother! I have heard many times that I am the life of the party and that I am funny; I crack people up. Natural for me. What I truly believe in and who I really am: All my life I have strangers or people I have just meant, whether they are co-workers, patients of mine, neighbors, other mothers (friends of my kids) or new friends of mine; and old. They tell me their deepest, darkest secrets. Maybe I have the face, not sure why; but to this day I have many, many, many secrets with me from hundreds of people that I will go to heaven with! I am so incredibly trust worthy! And I can't lie for nothing! I tell who ever I am with weather it be friends, family, a man etc etc everything weather they will get upset or not, I am not out to hurt anyone, but that to me is incredibly important. I believe that telling lies will only get myself hurt and others and I would never intentionally hurt anyone! I am a very loyal, faithful person; I believe this is why I still have the friends I have from childhood and no one has ever wanted to leave me once knowing me! I don't like people talking about the ones I care about and others that they don't even know, I truly love all people from all walks of life! I see no color and to me we are all the same, cut us open and we all bleed red. May not make sense to some, but it does to me! I care and love people deeply! I go out of my way to help. I put myself at risk sometimes doing so. For example: This happened 10-11 months ago maybe longer, but no one here will let me live it down, matter of fact just yesterday it was brought up again by DM and his Mom. I tell them "That's who I am" and they said that they are going to have that put on my grave stone "She says that's who she was!" I was at the Medicare office applying for my daughter and it was raining and extremely cold outside. In the waiting room there was this man he had to be around my age, maybe older and he ws going on and on about himself and God he couldn't sit still for a second, so I listened because no one else would and seemed to fear him. As I was leaving he was outside standing in the rain by the pay phone and he had a small thin jacket on, I knew he was freezing because I was. He looked upset. I ran to my car and got in and as I ws pulling out I looked into his eyes and felt horrible, so I rolled down the window and asked him if he was ok and he told me that usually if he called the police that they would come and take him home, but they were busy and he had no money. I should of given him money to take a taxi, but me being me I said where do you live and me not knowing the area had no idea where he lived, but asked him him he wanted a ride. Come to find out it was 40 mins out of my way, but to this day I would do it again; if I had another person with me! On the way to his house he told me everything about himself, he was a recovering addict (crack) and many other things and had been in and out of jail, I didn't know about the jail part obviously; but while waiting in the office knew that he was or had been hooked on something. I was a Nurse and lived in this world long enough to know the signs. Missing teeth, bad hygiene, extreme weight loss etc etc Anyway.... He was a really nice person and needed my help. Was I a little nervous at first, YES; but my gut told me he was ok and it is never wrong! Let me rephrase that ever since something awful happened to me 4 years ago I learned to follow it and I to this day don't trust like I use to and ignore my gut feelings anymore. He got home safe and was extremely grateful. And I, well that's who I am! Love: Not sure if I have ever been truly in love with anyone outside of my children and mother. I know the difference. But it is the one thing I long for. When I am with someone and feel like I love them or even just like them I am faithful and only have eyes for that person! I go above and beyond most would for their boyfriend/lover! I take care of them and support them in every way! If you ask my girlfriends, better yet my best friend whom is my mother she will tell you that I often put them before myself, which I have to learn that it is not healthy. My dream is to spend the rest of my life with one man, wake up to him every morning and express my love to him in every way I know how. I am a true lover, and understand that people are different in their own ways and in order for a healthy relationship there will be disagreements, but I don't like to fight and argue. I believe that one should never let the sun go down on ones anger! The one fault I have that i need to work on is that if I am wrong that I will be the first one to admit it, make it known to everyone, but if I know I am right and accused of wrong I will fight (not literally) to the end defending myself! It is a bad quality in me, and I have work to do. I am a very sensitive person, another bad quality in me, Dm has always told me that I am "Too sensitive!" my kids are just like me. That I need to develop a thicker skin. Not sure if I totally agree, but can admit that I can be sensitive. Not just regarding myself, but I am also very sensitive to others and their feelings as well! Which I believe is a great quality! I could go on and on about love, but until I find it I can't really intelligently on it, never really feeling it, always thinking it makes it hard on me. It is priceless, yet I have never felt it. Unconditional love, wouldn't that be amazingly sweet! Respect: HUGE with me! I don't believe in public display. There is one thing I can't stand to even witness and that's when I see a couple arguing in public! How does one do that? You say you love each other, yet humiliate them in front of people and friends. There is a time and place for EVERYTHING and that to me is just wrong! I treat people the way I would want them to treat me and my son is just like me. My daughter on the other hand needs a little help, ok she needs work. Teenager or is it something else? I have to admit with a little age she is getting better. Her and I are opposite in many ways, accept for the sensitivity and caring of others. She has had a hard life like many of us, but to me there is no excuse for not respecting someone! I am not like most women in many ways. I am completely natural, hate to shop, I love girlie things and I am very stylish; but in the same token I love to get down and dirty. I love to look nice and there is nothing like being clean and smelling good! Bubble baths are one of my favorite things to do, although I haven't been able to do it lately (long story) I grew up with one older brother so I am somewhat a tomboy, only in the ways of I like to watch sports and wrestle with my son, play baseball, tackle football get dirty. My passion is dancing and I adore all kinds of music. I am not beautiful (although I know for a fact inside I am) pretty I have heard a couple of times, cute and sexy are the words people describe me. I love funny movies and cry over love stories. Reading is another passion of mine! I am not a big TV person accept when American Idol starts (which was last night!) I think it is because of my love for music. I am a giver and have a hard time receiving. If I could I would fill my house with elderly people because they have the best stories and are very snuggely! I am extremely family oriented and mothers love me. I have always wanted a sister, and my dear friends have given me that! I am an awesome mother, daughter and friend! Very nurturing and loving in many ways! I have a HUGE heart and care deeply for everyone. I have no enemies (that I know of) and not many skeletons in my closet, and if I do they are small (miniature) I am a hard worker and will always be on time, always early. I keep all promises and if I can't I beat myself up. I love to laugh and live life simplest pleasures. I absolutely love gum ball rings and picked flowers! I am addicted to my children and mother. Friends are precious to me and with love I would be the happiest women alive! Motto: Do unto others as you would have them to unto you! I try and live by this, I am no Angel and make mistakes; but try really, really hard! Forever, Daisy |