"Confused" Am I happy with myself? The answer is YES, but there are so many things I would change; but wouldn't everyone? I love who I am and the women I have become, but physically I sometimes get very down on myself. Like today. One problem I have is that there is a FULL length mirror in my master bathroom, on the door. Without that I could still continue to live in denial, but it is well glued to the door; believe me I have tried to get it off! The other problem I have is that I am getting older, only turning 39 in February, but keep looking at it as 40! I am not one of those girls who is going to take this without one hell of a fight! My dilemma is that I have the money to change one of the two things I feel will take me from just "Cute" to "Pretty" and make me feel on top of the world and I can';t make up my mind which one of those things I want to do! When I talk to those who know me and love me I am getting mixed messages. The men of course say "Breasts" except for my Pop. And the women tell me not too, except for my girl Jessie. My Pop he thinks I am awesome the way I am and Jessie she is a great friend and wants to see me happy, not that my Pop doesn't, but he See's my inner beauty and that's the type of man he is. My best friend "My Gorgeous Mom" doesn't want me too either, I think she feels the same as Pop. And Tia, she is going through that stage, she See's it as competition and thinks I should get them for her! Teenagers!! What I think I should do is put one of those tin cans in the bagel shop and have people donate money and then I could do both! Tacky.... A "Help Wanted" sign? Anyway.... I have the personality and the heart. I am truly a gift to anyone, but is that enough? Is it society that is now at the young age of 38 1/2 ruining me? Making me feel like I should be like everyone else? The answer to that is NO. I have always wanted this for as long as I can remember! I now have the money, it's not like I didn't have it before; but as always I did the "right" thing by everyone else and forgot about what I wanted. Does society make me feel it in ways, yes. How could it not, either you have them or you don't and the focus has always been on the ones who do. But I have something that most of these double D girls don't and that's passion, love and laughter. Sincerity, honesty and personality! You can't buy those things!! Imagine if I had C cups...... Let's take a moment............ Amazing! Now that's what I would call "Hot!" It wouldn't change who I am at all or the way I dress or carry myself, but my confidence would reach levels where I have never been, only wished to be! Still thinking.... The saga continues... Daisy |