| I am back finally.... Never thought I would miss technology. lol I had the most amazing time with my son on the way home from dropping my Papa and Karen off in the Bronx. We had the windows down and the wind was whipping our hair all over the place, the music up loud, taking turns playing our favorite songs, first Michaels "Escape #1" and then "ours" "Hero #4" then we would start all over again going back to his. I say ours because when we were singing it I turned the mirror so that I could see him in the back and we were singing to each other, I his Hero and he mine; it was simple, fun and priceless! Those are the moments that I will be living as if they happened yesterday when I am 85, sitting in my rocking chair, with a great book in my hands staring off into the clouds on my porch. I was gone since Friday and now it is Monday and I am back, back in this cold, lonely house. After spending 3 days in a house filled with 5 adults, 4 teenagers, 1 baby, 1 seven year old, 3 cats and 1 guinie pig; hopping from room to room each night looking for a place to sleep, hearing that my daughter who is 51/2 hours away from me, with a father who could give a shit that she was by herself laying in a hospital room because 4 girls and 2 boys decided to jump her and beat her to a pulp, to have one of my best friends call me at 1am and tell me that she has no will to live because she is still mourning the loss of the love of her life that died a year ago and she is self-distructing and needs me, and another special friend to tell me that I reminded them of their love of their life who tragicly died, to re-living my own loss of my best friend Leslie; from crying to laughing from one second to the next, you would think that I would be extremely happy to be back in my own home! I truly wish I was. How nice it would have been. Let's pretend, because thats what we all do best. Pretend that my beautiful son and I still singing pulled into our driveway, decided that it was late and order out; while we are waiting for the food to come we take nice, hot, relaxing, bubble baths; who wouldn't after a 4 hour drive, right? We each put on our fluffy pj's and the door bell rings, we race to the door and grab our food, sit cross legged on the living room floor feeding our faces watching the latest episode of Sponge Bob, after we eat we brush our teeth, get some yummy snacks and head up to our nice, comfortable bed and throw in a comedy and snuggle all night long until we fall asleep in each others arms, waking up for one last laugh, a smile and using our last bit of energy whispering I love you! Sometimes you have to pretend that life is easy and that you aren't filled with pain, you have to be strong if for your kids only. I always end up back at 429 Castle Street, the party over the second I walk through the door, then it goes from simple and fun to survival and protection. sad, but true. Now I will go to my room, shut my door and escape into my fairy tale book; and hope and pray that I will be spared. Good Night and Sweet Dreams |