| Hey. I watched the 'Break up" last night upstairs with Derek and Michael, but didn't get to finish it because Michael was laying on my chest and I could not stop laughing and he was tired, so I was told to go to my room. I finished it and I tell you it hit home. If you don't laugh you will cry, I know I say this a lot but that is just one of my defensive mechanism's. Really good movie. I had my Mom on the phone last night and I ws trying to keep everything positive, keeping my conversation with Tia's father to myself not wanting to hurt her anymore than she already is about the whole situation. Tia is ok, but the things he said about my daughter had me in hysterics. Plain evil. Michael was up stairs playing and I was laying on my bed downstairs sobbing to the point that I thought I ws going to be sick. I have never in my life heard a father talk about his own daughter the way he did. He pretty much said that he didn't love her among other horrible things that I can't mention for two reasons one my beautiful, sensitive mother reads my blogs and two because I will break down again and I need to keep it together for my son. Derek was out and came in and said what's wrong and I told him the awful things he said and all he had to say was "Teri you know he is a scumbag, are you going to let him ruin your day?" "He didn't see Tia for 16 years, did you really think the prick loved her?" I know Derek has a hard time expressing his emotions, but I would rather him not say anything at all. He left the room. I was thinking. If God forbid that was Michael and I had not seen him in 16 years and left when he was 3 and Derek knew that Michael longed for me and thought of me always and I not so much as even called him in 16 years or sent him a Birthday card, that Michael laid in bed at night and cried for me and Derek had a wife/girlfriend that treated Michael like shit and never even acknowledged him and every chance she got put him down and called his mother a piece of shit, when she knew that her boyfriend/husbands son's problems in life stemmed from not having his own mother around, but watched everyday their daughter get everything, but he nothing but material things once in a while; but only needed love from the opposite sex, a mother figure, but she wasn't capable of loving anyone but her own blood how would he feel? And when Michael graduated from school and decided to seek me out and Derek's wife at the same time kicked Michael out of the house, so he had no choice but to go find me. And I was living above a bar with 3 other women, had bad credit and couldn't get my own place because I owed Gas and Electric and every other utility company, so Derek paid half the rent and bills and Michael put everything in his name so that he could live with me. 3 Months later I am physically fighting with Michael and verbally abusing him, not buying food because I worked at two restaurants and ate there, only took him in so that I could get out from above the bar and Michael had a big disability check pending so I would be living large and after those 3 months I was going to throw him out on the streets because the check didn't come in and I had moved my friends in and didn't need Michaels help or Derek. But Derek wife said that Michael was not allowed in their home to figure it out on his own, that she was moving her mother into the apartment and it was his problem. Tell me how he would feel? I had my mom on the phone last night, and she got a taste of the way Derek talks to me. I couldn't even get two words in because he was attacking me verbally about stupid things like "why is there a bowl on the patio with white shit in it?" and I forgot to take it in before he got home because I know it would cause him to fight with me. So I told him. "I give milk to the Black cat that lives across the street who is always in our yard hunting" Thank God my mother couldn't see the way he looked at me, she would have been hurt, but she did here his words and that was enough; not even worth typing them out and wasting my breath. My point being that I can't be myself without getting in trouble. I got a pedicure and manicure and my eye brows waxed the other day (which I rarely do) Derek had left me $20 cash and a credit card, I never have cash on me, but don't really need it so it doesn't matter, I bought a coffee and gum and because Tan did such a great job and his stories touched me I gave him a ten dollar tip, 5 for the manicure and 5 for the pedicure plus I gave Michael 5 for doing my eye brows. So yesterday I asked Derek to leave me money for Michael's co-pay to get his allergy shots and he said I just gave you 20 and I told him what I spent it on, always explaining myself and he didn't like it at all. He was like you what? I said do you have any idea how hard these people work and the great job they did not to mention they made me feel incredibly comfortable. He was like that's why I don't give you money because you always give it away. It wasn't giving it away, that's who I am; I give credit where credit is due! I gave them every last penny and you know what I will do it again and again and again! I will not change who I am for no one! I don't spend money, I hate shopping and if I want to give everything I have in my wallet I work hard and I will do with it as I wish. He walks around with hundreds and would trip over a desperate person on the street, me I would give them the shirt off my back! Two different people. Another example..... We are having Michaels room painted so Derek took all of Michaels toys he didn't play with anymore and put them into bags and asked if I would help him bring them to his car, I asked where he was bringing them and he said to the drop box on 32, I have been by there a million times and every time I see that the boxes are full so people leave them on the ground and with all the rain they get ruined so I said put them in my car and I will bring them to the Sisters thrift shop, 3 Nuns run this old abandoned school in the next town; out in the country and out in front is a hand painted sign that says "The sisters thrift store" it is touching. Then they live in this peach colored totally square cement building/house next to it, the grass is over grown and it is sad because I happen to find it when I got lost one day out driving around doing nothing and went in and they are the sweetest ladies/Nuns little Italian women who work hard. There ws a bean bag that I had bought Michael last year so he could sit and play his games and four huge garbage bags and he was like you are not going to fit all that stuff in the Jag and I said just put them by my car and I will get them in and I ws determined. All he did was say watch that and watch that be careful with the car, you can't fit that and I was like oh yes I am and did! I might look like a homeless person living in my care when I drive there, but I don't care about things like that I know in my heart that those toys will go to children without anything and that those beautiful Nuns will make sure of it! This is why I don't watch the news..... I read this morning on AOL news, and not that I wanted too; but because that is what I see when I go to my mail box. And fell in love with this black cat and started reading about her. In Boise Idaho the animal shelter there and many around the country are prohibiting the adoptions of black cats only until Nov. 2 because with Halloween they fear that some people will adopt these beautiful creatures to mistreat, abuse and use them in Satanic rituals. It broke my heart. What is this world coming too? That is one reason why it is so important to me that I find love, because if you do look at the news and read the newspaper all you see is crime, hatred, evilness and lack of love for other people. Where did all the love go? Respect? passion? If I wasn't allergic to cats I would fill my house with every black cat in Orange county and the surrounding counties I swear. And I will make sure that my friend across the street (Benny, I named him) is spared this Halloween and every other as long as I live in this cold house. If I watched the news I would be out in the world trying to save it and in the process forget about me again, my heart is too sensitive. So if you know me and want to talk about whats going on in the world today I don't need to know, please spare me. I am intelligent enough and know things without hearing or reading about them for example which is common sense, It doesn't surprise me that the gas prices have gone down almost a dollar and change because the election is coming up. Hello! |