| Good Morning My friends And Family. I had a really hard day yesterday, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and my whole day seemed to get worse as the day went on; but who doesn't have a bad day, right! I am human...What is important today is that I am happy once again and that I know where my babies are and they are safe in their beds. I felt guilt yesterday because I never once in all the years my father has passed thought of him on the anniversary of his death, until yesterday. What kind of person am I? I here from everyone that I am so good and I believe that I am a good person; then that hit me and I started to doubt the person I am. I knew that he was born with fetal alcohol syndrome, and that he didn't have a chance ; but he did have choices. I know that it is an illness, but I spent a good part of 3 years helping him over come it and took care of him so that he could see my babies grow and someday walk me down the isle on my wedding day, but he chose to die. I tried really hard to think of some good times with him throughout the years when he was in my life and I could only find one. I was about 5 and was on a field trip to the park and I had not seen him or heard from him in months and missed him so much, he was my daddy and at that age didn't realize what divorce was or alcoholism. I was on this merry go round and it was going really fast and he was dressed in his police uniform, he was far away from me heading towards me and I wasn't sure it was him until I saw him smile, I kept turning my head as the merry go round got faster, trying to get a better look and then he was there, the boys kept pushing so it was impossible for me to get off; I thought it a dream, but then he said "Hi my Princess!" and right then I didn't care about being hurt and didn't have time to ask to get off ; I just wanted to be in his arms again so I jumped. He held me tight and kissed me all over my face, I can still feel those kisses and see how happy he was to see me. Even though most of my memories were of pain, I still hold on to those few times when I felt his love. I did love my dad, I just didn't like what he did to my beautiful mother and innocent brother; but today I have decided to forgive and forget. I love you Daddy! |